Borderlands 3

 

I didnt like any of the previous games. At all. But fuck it, this shit was on sale 90% off and its atleast yet another co-op FPS so...

Yeah not much has changed here. Within the first few hours I was thinking maybe it could be enjoyable, maybe it was better than the last. The first few guns I got it seemed the combat was improved and the weapons were more 'grounded' and realistic, revolvers and real looking weapons and shit. But...not really as you progress through the game again its the same old shit from all the previous games. First of all; the most common gripe I have with the game is the characters NEVER shut the fuck up. Why did they make co-op games where you have to chat with your buddy the whole time, but also have these annoying, incessant, obnoxious fucking characters yapping in your ear the entire time. Its nonstop. Like I have relief when I exit a stage cutting off the dialogue prematurely, but then when you enter the next area they just start back up yapping about more fucking bullshit constantly. It's always the most trite, contrived, unfunny fucking shit too. Like imagine being forced into a rat maze, and then over the loud speaker is some really fucking obnoxious unfunny asshole yapping random garbage at you the whole time. Its just miserable. Like SHUT THE fuck up for once. Obviously none of the characters or story is appealing, at all. Its all in one ear out the other. Except now in this game theres an even weirder tone shift where its like every single  character is a female Girlboss one dimensional "So powerful and brave" female. Like they kept introducing character after character and it was just one female girlboss after another. What the fuck. Its not like I have a problem with women characters in games, but its more like why is there 11 female main characters in a row all with the same 'empowered' archetype. Yeah, its more like I have a problem with this cringe corny agenda theyre trying to push. The few male characters they introduced were really idiotic tryhard homosexuals. Really bizarre cast of characters. Theres these two evil villian character antagonists that keep popping up but they look like 8 year olds so my brain just tuned them out anytime they showed up, what a piece of shit.

Im not gonna write too much more about the dialogue/characters/story, just know that No, its not any better than all the previous games, it has all the same problems except maybe this time it seems like they fucking talk even more.

Well what about the gameplay? Surely its a bit better here, right?  ...kind of?

For instance the combat here feels a little more enjoyable, maybe because I cared more about the loot or maybe because they dumbed the loot down even more. I dont know if this was in previous games, but every weapon has a 'Score' which indicates how effective it may be. So all I did for the whole game was just pickup any weapon and then equip the weapon with the highest score. That's literally about all i did for the whole game. And it worked. So choosing weapons is quite mindless and it lets you breeze through most of the combat. Theres 4 characters to pick from but only 2 of them are males so we picked the guys. My character had a couple different skill trees but I picked the one that let me spawn a Drone and also create a Decoy of myself. The skill tree shit is really uninteresting and dull. Its just stuff like get slightly more gun damage, more magazine size, reload faster. really trivial shit, not much to write about there.

One thing I really liked, relative to the other games in the series, is in this game we only had to do like 3 Sidequests in order to be about up to level with the main quest. Unlike in Borderlands 2 I remember we had to grind sidequest after sidequest for hours in order to keep catching up to the main quest levels. I like in this game that it seems just by doing the main quest it more or less keeps you matched with the main story, so you can just keep progressing the main story without having to do anything else. Good, get this shit over with sooner than later.

The game has a main hub area where you'll constantly be coming back to in between missions and during missions, its like this big complex maze ship or something. Imagine Fallout 3 Rivet city but 100x more complex and annoying to navigate. This place fucking sucks, and everytime I was forced to come here i'd just run around in circles trying to find the next objective. One of the worst hub worlds in any game ever maybe? What a fuckin chore.

The actual mission objectives are pretty god damn bad too. Most of them are actual fest quests. Go from point A to B, grab item, come back to A, talk to NPC for 10 mins, Go to C, talk to NPC, go to A, Talk to npc. Shit like that. Its awful. Most of the quests are just stuff like this. In between all this it presents this psuedo open world I guess where you can spawn vehicles to drive to the next objective, theres fast travel places but they're spread out few and far between. The game is just BORING. Theres not much to it. All you do is listen to really unfunny , jarring, stupid tryhard humor NPC's blabber in your ear, sometimes about literal nonsense, while driving from point A to B, grabbing some item or destroying some thing, mindlessly killing waves of enemies and repeat.

None of the missions really stood out, the few side quests we did we thought it would be a simple just go here and kill a few guys, but it turned into this obnoxious checklist where we were doing random chores like making a fucking pizza or going around collecting Onions, toppings, pizza sauce. Or another mission where we had to go make coffee for someone. I mean what the fuck am I doing here? Fuck this game. The UI is terrible too, the menu system to travel is a fucking mess. You have all these different menus to jump through, you need to choose a Planet to travel to, then it opens another menu to choose what place on the planet, Then you choose what spawn point - but guess what? You can go through all these menus then it will say "Friend is in menu, cant do it" and you have to go through like 5 menus all over again. Why the fuck? The entire process of fast travelling and selecting a mission is frustrating and annoying as fuck. What were they thinking? Why can my friend being in a menu cancel the fast travel process and force me to go through the shit UI all over again? Why is Gearbox such a fuckin incompetent piece of shit that cant do ANYTHING right? By the way the game is also buggy as fuck and something as basic as seeing your friends name constantly glitches out and you just cant see eachother, yeah add that ontop of the shit pile too.

Theres a bunch of boss fights but theyre all piss easy. At a few points in the game me and my co-op buddy would I guess get lucky RNG weapon drops and he'd have a really overpowered legendary assault rifle, Id have this weird infinite ammo legendary pistol so the game became really mindless and the balance is all fucked up and easy. Most of the bosses we just ran in a circle spamming bullets for 40 seconds and that was it. The last boss was even like this. The games balance is a joke and all over the place, the last few hours of the game were so easy I was like half asleep slouched down falling off my chair playing it. Retarded game. Imagine if we actually cared to grind sidequests and shit, too.

None of the guns are cool or fun to use. Like I said in the beginning I thought the guns would be better and less Lego Nerf Gun toy shit like previous games. But no after a few hours almost every gun you get is some obnoxious rediculous amalgamation of random multicolored bullshit and they all look stupid and arent fun to use. Its just random wacky garbage. Sometimes the combat can be almost enjoyable when its mindless but it just turns into stare at the minimap and run towards the red dot and wipe them out. Riviting. The game only starts you out with like 4 inventory slots too, so the first 100 thousand dollars you spend it on a backpack, then you spend money on holding more ammo, then...money becomes mostly useless and you stop giving a shit. Ok.

I don't even know what else to say about this heap of dook. I dont wanna think about this franchise anymore. Thinking of stuff to say for this review is almost painful, the game took 20 hours to beat I dont wanna think about it anymore. Borderlands franchise is truly awful.

3/10